I just finished writing the last of the thank-you notes to friends who showed extreme kindness to my family after my daddy passed away a few weeks ago. The outpouring of generosity and love we have received has been such a blessing and I thought I would share some really helpful things we have been given throughout my dad’s sickness and death in the hopes that it might inspire anyone reading this who might be unsure about what to do for someone when they lose a family member or loved one.
Call, visit, send a card or email– It’s so simple, yet sometimes we think about others and have the best intentions of checking on those who are sick or maybe caregivers to the sick or dying, and then life gets busy and we don’t follow through. I’m guilty of this myself, but I see how those little things matter so much now. Even up to a few days before my dad passed away, my parents regularly got cards and visits and I know it really mattered.
Food– Food is always appreciated and you don’t even have to cook. When we brought my dad home from the hospital a few days before he passed away, a church friend arrived at my parent’s home shortly after with a small meat and cheese snack tray from a local grocery store. We were so grateful because we had been through a tough morning and nobody had eaten lunch. When my daddy did pass away, the food flowed in and we appreciated it so much because we had a house full of people who needed to eat. Frozen casseroles are also great because my mom still has some quick meals she can go to weeks later when she just doesn’t feel like making herself a meal. Someone brought in drinks and even a foam ice chest filled with ice, which was super helpful when the ice maker on her refrigerator gave out from so much use.
Paper Products– My good friend’s mom showed up with paper towels, paper plates, plastic cutlery, and toilet paper. All extremely practical and very useful with so many visitors.
Stamps– I personally thought this was genius. My daddy’s cousin gave my mom a roll of stamps to use when sending out thank-you cards, and there were many to send out. My mom was just delighted about this and it was so helpful.
Share A Memory– If you knew the deceased person or had any interaction with them, share a memory with their loved ones. I have so enjoyed hearing stories about my dad from his friends, former co-workers, and family and believe it or not, talking about him helps. My aunt even showed me some pictures of him through the years (as a baby, a child, a teen) that I hadn’t seen in many, many years. Every memory is precious.
Pick Up Their Slack– I have several co-workers who picked up my slack and swapped carpool duty with me, helped my substitute in the library, and just checked on me in general when I had to be away from my job. They did it cheerfully and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.
Yard Work– The day before my daddy died one of his good friends was in their yard, mowing and making everything look good. Since then another family member has also done my mother’s yard work. It’s tough work for sure, but if you like being outdoors and that’s something you enjoy, it’s an excellent way of being of service.
Donations– People have kindly donated to our church and a couple of other charities in my dad’s honor. My mother receives notices when this is done. It makes us feel good to know that others will be helped in his memory.
Prayer– This is the most important gift we have received and it doesn’t cost a single thing. Pray with and for those who are hurting. It will give them strength.
Finally, be sure to check on those who are grieving often. The world keeps on turning, but they feel like their world has stopped and it will feel like this for them for a while. Remind them you are thinking of them, send a card, a hug, anything. Weeks later I am still amazed and so grateful that my mom’s phone is still ringing with people checking on her and her mailbox is still flowing with cards. Being alone in your grief seems like it would be a terrible thing, and I am so thankful for those who have wrapped their arms around our family and showed us love.
