Self Diagnosis Fun With Google!

Posted on by Mandy

It never fails to amaze me that you can literally find anything online. Obscure products from childhood, people from your past, and even the cure to what ails you. Or just to find out what is ailing you is always helpful.

I’ve been sick for over a week now. It started with achiness and just feeling yuck. This went on until I finally started an antibiotic and felt somewhat better…until the Killer Cough arrived. I have never had a cough that took my breath away before and literally made me feel like I was going to choke to death. It scared me, but I figured surely this would pass and it would get better. But it didn’t. So I did the smartest thing highly reccommended by the medical experts (not)…I Googled my symptoms.

By the time I finished typing in my symptoms, it was determined I had either Pertussis (Whooping Cough), pneumonia, or asthma. And it might even be the kind of asthma that can cause death with an attack.

Great. Super. And this, children, is why they tell you never to Google your symptoms. Because whatever comes up in the results will surely tell you that you are going to die.

I finally stopped trying to tough this one out and went to the doctor this morning. I have bronchitis and will have to take 4 breathing treatments a day and an antibiotic. But, the silver lining is that I have to have REST, which means I can catch up on blogging and reading blogs. And Cracked Daddy and I both have the week off.

I could think of worse ways to recover. But I certainly won’t Google them.

Passive Aggressive Notes

Posted on by Mandy

Dear Crazy Woman With Rollers In Your Hair,
No, I don’t have the flip flops you bought from my friend at our yard sale and accidently left. And no, I don’t have any yard sale merchandise left. Furthermore, I’d really like to thank you so much for knocking on my door at 6:58 AM on a SATURDAY to ask me these questions. You’re a real peach!
Love,
Mommy Cracked

Dear Whoever Installed The Air Conditioner Unit In Our Home Before We Bought It,
That little hose thingy? It’s a backup drain in case the first one gets stopped up. And when you don’t hook it up and instead just wrap it around the unit in the attic because you don’t know what the heck it is? It doesn’t work…which may cause leaking through the walls, wet carpet, and it also sprays dirty water all down my walls when the AC repairman tries to unstop the unit. But I do love a challenge, so thank you for the chance to spend an afternoon with a can of Clorox Wipes and some elbow grease. And the $75 to repair it? Oh, please! I picked that off the money tree we have growing in the back yard! No worries!

Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked

Dear North Korea,
I’ll keep it real short and sweet because I know you’re real busy with missles to launch and all that stuff. Put up or SHUT UP, because your daily threats are getting old. That is all.
Sincerely,
Mommy Cracked

This is Why I Hate Yard Sales.

Posted on by Mandy

If I ever mention the thought of having a yard sale on my blog again, will someone please point me to this post and then beat me over the head?

I’ve spent the last week or more cleaning out and decided to switch things up a bit and have a yard sale on Friday afternoon. I figured it wouldn’t be as hectic as far as setting up and that was really the only day I’d have available for awhile to do it anyway.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Yes, even though you state in the paper that the sale will start at NOON, people will STILL come and knock on your door starting at 9 AM with a litany of excuses as to why THEY should be able to get a preview of your goods before starting time. (I have to work…I’m on my way out of town…..blahblahblah)

2. Don’t even think of trying to set up your tables without backup. When you start setting up tables, they smell blood and will descend on your lawn demanding to know when it will start and just hang around until it does. Then the grabbing commences.

3. People will really shine their behinds at yard sales.

One shopper was so anxious to try on a skirt that she literally showed God and everyone her underwear attempting it. Seriously, cars started slowing down as they drove by and more than one driver got an eyefull. I could have died.

We also had a man ride by that recognized a woman shopping at my yard sale and he rolled down his window and obnoxiously screamed, “Jay-netta…..you know you got enough s*** at yo’ house already…put dat s*** down, guhl! You don’t be needin’ that f****** s****!!! BWAAHAHAHAAAA”. And then he sped off leaving a yard full of speechless people. Jay-netta just laughed and said, “He so crazy! He know he ain’t s***.”

Additionally, one woman set aside something on my sidewalk she was buying while she continued to shop. Another woman walked over to look at it (she didn’t know it was claimed already) and I thought the first woman was going to have a coronary for the clueless woman even daring to have the audacity to look “at her s****”. (Her words, not mine. Y’all know I don’t cuss on this blog, but Jimney Cricket did I ever get an earfull today.)

And did I mention it was 97 degrees in the shade while all of this took place?

Is this just in Mississippi or do people act like this everywhere else at yard sales? I’m thinking it’s something only we Mississippians can be so proud of.