How does this:

turn into this?

And why does it have to happen so fast? What I wouldn’t give to pinch those chubby little cheeks and legs again!

When we receive special product orders at work, it’s often my job to call people to let them know that what they ordered has arrived and they can come pick it up. The part I love about this is that some people are so excited to hear that something they’ve had to wait on is finally in that they act like I’m with Publisher’s Clearing House calling to say they’re instant millionaires. It’s good to feel needed like that.

Then there are those. Those. Those that I must leave a message for on their voicemail. I don’t mind talking to a machine, but some people have taken their right to creative telecommunications to epic levels of FAIL. It always starts out with me calling them only to have to listen to a personalized ring tone. Instead of a regular ring, I have to listen to several lines of the popular Christian song of the minute, usually something by Casting Crowns or Third Day, before I get their voicemail. Then the fun really starts.

Yesterday I called a woman’s number to be greeted by a nice enough voice telling me to leave a message. She then went into a tyrade about how the only way to become a Chistian is to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. Ok, I’m down with that. Then she went on and on in the message basically repeating the same thing until I guess she finally ran out of recording time. What should have took at the most 30 seconds to say took over 2 minutes. 2 minutes to leave a message at the tone. I was pretty mad after listening to all of that and not because I didn’t agree with what she was saying, but that was 2 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Some people feel the need to sing their recorded message, which is fine if you can actually sing, which is not the case 9 times out of 10. Then there are some that have their children record their message, which is cute assuming I can understand them. (Say it with me, Class!…”Which is not the case 9 times out of 10.”) And my favorite? The message that says, “Hello?” when it answers and you start to say “Hi, this is Mommy Cracked from__________ Bookstore. I was just calling to tell you that…” and then the voice starts cracking up saying “You thought it was me!! You fell for it! Now leave a message and I’ll call you back!”

Har. Har. Har.

In conclusion, if I have to call and leave a message for someone I prefer to do just that and not be subjected to annoying performances of what a person thinks is funny or entertaining. Because I’m all about business like that.

What say you?