And so it begins. My little E.B. came home from school proudly toting his Sally Foster Gift Wrap catalog and order form. Add that to the “I knew this was coming but I figured it would be later in the year” list.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do love me some Sally Foster Gift Wrap. Their paper is beautiful, and although it *is* more than I would normally like to spend on wrapping paper, it’s quality stuff. There’s just a little teensy problem. I have a whole plastic bin of this stuff under my bed. Oh yes, if Sally Foster Gift Wrap ever became a collector’s item, I’d definitely have the heads up on everyone.

It all started back in 1996. I was working as an assistant teacher and was single. My co-workers all had kids who went to the school that E.B. now attends. Naturally, they hit me up to buy this wrapping paper every single year…even after I left that job. I have rolls of this stuff from 1996, y’all.

I don’t mind at all the actual having to sell this stuff. I’m not going to get all blown out of proportion over the school having us sell things because I’ve worked in schools long enough to know that this is how they get their “extra” money. I’m all for whatever makes my child’s school better. I’m the Boxtop Queen, the Campbell’s Soup Label collector, the empty printer cartridge saver. I know every little bit helps. But I hear at some schools you can just pay a flat fundraising fee and not have to do the actual selling.

So, if you have kids in school, what are you selling this year? Cookie dough? Magazines? Are you down with Sally, too? Are you required to sell? Do you love selling or hate it?

And guess who I’ll be hitting up to buy some? All of my former co-workers. MUUUWWAHAHAHAAAA!!!

“Operation Drop The Kid Off On The First Day Of School Without Bursting Into Tears And Having To Do The Walk Of Shame Back To My Car” went off without a hitch this morning. E.B. got up in a good mood, ate all of his breakfast and I dressed him in his tiny little uniform. He did beautifully when I dropped him off this morning. He was so excited to see his classroom, the toys, and all the new friends he will make. I even had to get his attention for a kiss and a hug goodbye.

And I didn’t even cry.

I never really paid any attention to carpool lines when I was teaching because the last couple of schools I taught at most of the kids either rode the bus or walked. A handful of cars picked up children at the end of the day, but nothing to warrant several pages of rules and instructions for exactly HOW the carpool works, unlike what I’ve encountered in E.B.’s school handbook. At the parent orientation last week the principal jokingly warned us that some parents were “serious” about carpool lines and you didn’t want to mess up the flow. Ever. Because apparently this is serious business.

O.k.

I pass by a school on my way home from work everyday. I kid you not at 2:00 P.M. the carpool line has snaked around the school and down the street a little ways. The kids don’t get out of school until 3:00. Those women sitting in line are sitting there a full HOUR before school lets out. And that scares me, people. Lord knows motherhood is sometimes competitive enough, but has it really reached such epic proportions that we have to be first in the carpool line everyday?

OK, so I’m sure there are probably legitimate reasons for why this phenomenon occurs. I can think of maybe some logistical reasons, like having to be back at work ASAP after picking up the little darlings and things like that. But I’m thinking that this is not the case since I’ve noticed the same few cars as first in line in the past couple of days and these women clearly have all the time in the world if they’re showing up a full hour ahead of school being dismissed.

Am I missing something? I’ve clearly never had to participate in a carpool line before, so can anyone enlighten me? Is the carpool line a new competitive sport for parents these days? Is there some secret reward for being “first!” the most times in a school year? And why do they all drive the same SUVs in different colors? So many questions…

I’m just thankful E.B. is small enough that he will be required to be walked in and out on a daily basis by me, so we have escaped the carpool line. For this year, anyway.

Shhh! Bonnie! Did you hear somethings?

Oh crap! She caught us on the car! She caught us on the car!

Just look away and act natural. Play it off! Play it off!!

Crap. She’s still here.

Oh, fine Bonnie…just leave me here to take all the blame. Typical. Just typical.

You know what? Take THAT! That’s for selling me out!

I know, I know. Straight to the door…I’m in trouble. Blah, blah, blah.

So this is pretty much how my week went:

Sunday- VBS kicks off. I have 16 kids in my class. EB does exceptionally well as far as not freaking out because OH MY GOD MOMMY IS NOT WITH ME AND I AM IN MY OWN CLASS!!!!!

Monday- EB starts to freak at VBS. I’m tired. It’s HAWT. It storms. I have 17 kids in my class. HOLY CRAP I HAVE 17 KIDS IN MY CLASS.

Tuesday- My house is starting to resemble the aftermath of a hurricane. I don’t have time to clean or wash because all I can do is go to work and go to VBS. I have 17 kids in my class who are off the chain tonight. EB is still freaking out when I drop him off in his room. Is it Friday yet?

Wednesday- WHY DID I VOLUNTEER FOR THIS? What in the name of Mike was I thinking? My 17 kids are acting a nut in church. EB is going ballistic. Never again.

Thursday- Last day of work this week. House is still a wreck. I only have 16 kids in my class and have resorted to ducking and hiding when I see EB in the church hallway. But, when asked about the best part of VBS, my kids say “Miss Mandy”. I love this. What great kids. I. Am. So. Tired.

Friday- EB and I sleep until 10 AM and I don’t feel a bit guilty about it. Spend the entire day cleaning house. Back to VBS tonight. While standing outside to make the VBS picture after the service EB steps in a fire ant bed. We go home. We miss the VBS cookout, but I secretly don’t mind. Stick a fork in me, I am done.

The kids were fun to work with, we took up over $700 in offering for the purchase of Spanish tracts and Bibles to be sent on a mission trip to Mexico in September and we had 26 professions of faith. God is good! And I’m sure even He didn’t mind the disco ball.