I am THAT mom. You know her when you see her. She’s the one with the child who is acting a nut at the store. The child is whining, or perhaps pitching the mother of all fits, and she’s not doing a damn thing about it. She isn’t ignoring the child’s behavior. She’s calmly trying to divert his attention to something else…asking him to be a little more patient. Pleading him with her eyes to please, please not make a scene.
And she gets THE LOOK. Constantly. And to be honest, she is damn sick of the look. And the whispers. “Why can’t she control him? Why doesn’t she just spank him? If that were MY child….”.
And I just want to scream, “It’s NOT your child! This? Is a cakewalk compared to some days. Yes, he most certainly IS corrected for his behavior when he misbehaves. No, he doesn’t call the shots. Perhaps there is an explanation for why he feels the need to compensate by acting out.”
And I’m glad he’s NOT their child. Not because their parenting is easier because their child isn’t like mine, but because I fiercely and deeply love THIS child with all of my heart. The loud whines? Praise God my baby can speak! The tantrums? Praise God my baby can walk, jump, and throw himself on the floor if the mood strikes him! To trade that for easier and more convenient parenting? Not a chance in hell!
But on this particular day when that meltdown was happening on Aisle 4, a kind woman who was also the age of THAT mother turned and said, “It sure is tough sometimes, isn’t it? My little boy hates shopping, too.”
And my heart leapt for there WAS another mother in the world who didn’t get it right all of the time, who had gotten her fair share of THE LOOK, and had compassion enough for another mother experiencing the same thing. And THAT mom is what the world could use more of.
How right you are! 🙂
Very sweet post. I have to be honest, when Scott and I go out to eat we always ask to be seated away from families with small children. However, I never do the ugly look thing. I am not a mom, but I know it is hard work. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I love that you see the good in even tantrums. You aere right, though. Thank the Lord he can speak and walk and run and jump. So true.
My oldest was a big tantrum thrower, but she hadcit inner head that I would get her what she wanted if she embarrassed me bad enough in a store. It is so hard being a mom of that kind of child. My heart goes out to you as someone who has been there
Great post!
I always get THE LOOK when I venture into the store with all 6 of our children, people staring trying to figure out if they are all mine or if I'm running a babysitting service, whispers and wondering…it all hurts my feelings so much. It is always so nice to have someone look at you and understand!
What a great post!! I often feel that I am getting judged when my 2.5 year old throws a tantrum in public, I just continue along my business. It always makes me happy when someone either compliments me for doing it, or gives me a knowing smile. Having a child with potential special needs, this was a great post to read. Thank you.
Oh man, I think we've all been there and the ones who judge just don't remember…you can't tell me that their kid never acted up in public. I was so happy to hear you found a sympathetic mom! And you're right, they don't know our kids like we do – I wouldn't change mine for anything!
Very sweet post. I get the look too. I pick my battles and I don't really care anymore if others like what I do or not!
I am 'that' mom too… I wish I could be as perfect as those other moms with the mean looks. It must be easy for them!
Once I had an elderly man who was trailing his wife around the store stop and confide to my screaming kid, "Yeah, I hate shopping too."
It was lovely!
*Standing up and cheering for you!!!!*
YES. Great post!
I admit that I had been of those women giving the dirty looks, wondering why on earth that child couldn't just be quiet and stand quietly. Theeeennnnn I had a child. The first time I went anywhere with him – the post office where there was a long line – he woke and began crying and everyone in that place, and some people out on the sidewalk, if felt like – turned and looked at me and gave me THAT look.
I left, feeling like I earned everyone of those looks for all the dirty looks I'd doled out over the years. I don't give those looks anymore.
Well said! I've gotten that look and I feel bad, but I think to myself -come on people my son is less than a year old!
Being a mom now… I'm so sorry if I ever judged anyone ever!
I said this on my blog too! Its so true and I try to give grace whenever I am able. Great post! So glad I found your blog from Amy Bayliss
powerful post girl and oh so true! !
Hey , go check out the give away on my blog that my friend Stacey is having:) She sure could use the exposure right about now:)
thanks!!
LEIGH
http://northcarolinanewbeginnings.blogspot.com/2009/07/christmas-in-july-bloggy-give-away.html
Thanks for the post….it is a great reminder that we should be THAT mom who shows a little compassion, especially considering we've all been down the same road, one too many times! 🙂
The judgment in the grocery aisle is really difficult. And I think it's even harder when it's friends, neighbors, or family. This whole idea that our child belongs to society first and us second is frustrating. Glad you bumped into a gracious mom. That's always so redeeming!
@JanMary – YIKES. That's unbeFREAKINlievable. I seriously don't even know what to say. 🙁
~Shaye
I totally agree! Give grace to the ones around you!
those moments are helpful…..
I recently wrote a blog post similar to this called Mommy Judging. But you said it much better. I admire you and take heart – we moms understand! We've all been there…
I always try to give mums a sympathetic look if I can catch their eye, or just say "it gets easier – promise"!
I had a terrible moment in a shop when my son was 2. I was in the chemists (pharmacy?) waiting for my prescription and my son was throwing a "wobbly" in his buggy!
Two separate grannies seemed to think it was ok to come up to me and chastise me "Just give him a good slap – that's what he needs!", and the other a few minutes later said "STOP that" she shouted at my toddler right in his face (over his screaming) "stop that shouting NOW!!!" I am happy to report he screamed louder 🙂
I walked away! Collected by prescription and went to the car, and burst into tears 🙁
So GREAT post 🙂
Thanks for a timely reminder to muster up all my humanity when I see a parent having a problem with a child.
They/We should all be THAT mom because raising kids is the hardest thing out there and taking them shopping with us is the second!
Amen.
I pray that I can spread that grace everywhere I go…we ALL need it!!