The past week and a half has been rough. Life is hard sometimes. I hate being a downer on my blog, but I try to keep it real with anyone who happens to read. We all see so much “perfect life” stuff online. Everyone wants to put their best self out there, of course. It’s hard for me to be vulnerable. I feel like I have to be tough and “suck it up” and get on with life. But sometimes, you can only be so tough until you just can’t anymore. I reached my breaking point this past weekend.
When The Going Gets Tough
Everything in the grand scheme of things is fine, really. We are all ok. Nothing earth-shattering has happened. I just began to feel very overwhelmed when my mom was told this past week that she may need to have another heart procedure done. I hate it so very bad for her. I know what she has already been through. She and I have both had to have coronary artery bypass surgery. Thankfully, if she needs this procedure, the recovery time is minimal and won’t be invasive. I’m an only child, and my daddy passed away eight years ago, so I get a little emotional and feel overwhelmed when it comes to her because I feel like I won’t be doing enough to help her, etc. My husband is, thankfully, a huge, huge help! He really is my rock when things get turned upside down.
I’ve also been dealing with a broken medical system, fighting to get prescriptions and other things I need to keep taking care of myself. I have really been more infuriated with this, and of course, that eventually led me to tears and feeling defeated. I don’t know why in the world it is so hard for people who have worked their whole adult lives to get things that they have paid into for years and years, especially when it comes to insurance.
Naturally, all of this combined together put me down for the count for most of Friday. So, I finally gave myself permission to sit in the disappointment and anger and cry as much as I wanted. And then, on Saturday, I got up and shook it all off. We will get through this medical issue with my mom. I have solved one of my own medical/prescription issues myself, and all of the rest will be dealt with in time.
Sometimes, I’m just a mess. I’m trying to get it back together for the holidays. Which speaking of holidays, it sure is tough finding that holiday spirit already. It just seems like the whole world is mad. Right is wrong, and wrong is right. Trying to do the right thing gets you nowhere. So much sickness and sadness that we personally know of. So much turmoil and upheaval all over the world.
Finding the Silver Linings
OK, so even if things feel like they are falling all apart, there is still good. And that’s what I have been doing…finding even the smallest things to be thankful for and focus my attention on. One thing I am extremely thankful for is my little family. Hubby attended The Teen’s school’s Veteran’s Day program last Friday. This is probably the last one they will attend together since The Teen will graduate in May. He was always so proud to have his daddy and Granddaddy attend his school program to mark this special day in the years past. My daddy and Hubby both served in the Army.
I’m also really thankful for this fluffy turkey right here.
This picture is quite remarkable because Jake has NEVER sat in my lap. He is not a lap cat. But the other night, I had a beautiful ambient video playing with beautiful piano music on our TV. I was in my fluffy robe in the recliner, and Jake had come in for the night. He hopped on the coffee table and onto my lap and fell asleep for over 45 minutes! Jake became a regular fixture around our house about three years ago, and as I said, he is not very affectionate, so it absolutely tickled me that he graced me with his presence in this manner! It may never happen again, but I do know for a fact that when the world feels like it’s falling apart all around you, kitty snuggles are the best therapy ever!
The Week Ahead
The Teen is off for Thanksgiving break, so we are home today. I had to take him back to the clinic yesterday for another round of antibiotics, a shot, and a couple of other medicines. He can’t shake this upper respiratory infection from the first part of this month. So, we are hanging out today while he is recuperating. We are looking forward to Thanksgiving, and I have some cooking to do. I am taking a green bean casserole and Millionaire pie to our gathering. I may attempt deviled eggs. Hubby loves them, so I want to give that a try. We will also decorate for the holidays here and at my mom’s later in the week. We’ve got a lot to do!
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had so much to deal with. I’m a bit behind with my blog reading, but, I hope that things have improved. Loved the picture of Jake sleeping on your lap!
There are just moments where things really are hard, aren’t they? Everything hits us differently, and you are more than allowed to take the time to feel sad, frustrated, etc. Here’s hoping everything goes well with your mom’s health, that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving together, and that you get more cat snuggles!
Thank you so much for your sweet words! Yes, sometimes life just hits hard! I’m usually so much tougher than this, but I guess we all have our breaking point. I’m just glad I have awesome blogs to read to distract me, yours included! I love seeing what your little family is up to. I love seeing how you meal plan and save money. I hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I’m sorry…wish I could give you a hug….
Linda, I would take that hug! It’s not everyday you get to hug a mermaid, right?? Haha! Love you!
The medical system has failed me over and over. Doctors say things that make me feel like I don’t matter. It is hard but I won’t let it defeat me. Sometimes it breaks me for a while, but I have to keep fighting for my rights. If your blog is a downer some days, I can handle it.
Practical Parsimony
I am so sorry you have to go through this as well. It’s such a feeling of defeat. I have to just be sad a few days, and then my fighting spirit returns! Thank you so much for stopping! ((hugs))
Oh friend, life can be hard sometimes. I often just try to keep it all inside and I am telling you life has been crushing me for a while now. I try to keep my chin up and count every single blessing, but we all feel what you have described here. I worry about Mama all the time and now, I have my husband to worry about. Stress does us all no good either. As for prescriptions I haven’t had that issue, but trying to get a doctor’s appointment around here is terrible. About all we can get is a PA appointment best. The ER is a nightmare. The health system is in need of help. I think lots of capable young people aren’t even choosing to be doctors. I have two people the same age as my daughter who went through PA school with a 4.0. We need doctors, not just PAs.
I feel you. I pray you have a moment to rest and all goes well with all family members. It is OK to tell it like it is sometimes. Big hugs.
Sandy, you have so much on your plate, too. I think of you and your husband often and pray everything is going as well as possible. It’s such a shame that our medical system has turned upside down. It sure makes it difficult to get quality care when you need it. I do hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I thank you so much for stopping in and for your encouragement. ((hugs))
Life can be disappointing, overwhelming and stressful at times. It’s not healthy to hold it in and your blog is your space. You should feel free to express yourself here. I actually started my blog when my mom was sick, it became my outlet, so I’m glad you shared. I know how stressful it can be to both manage a parent’s health issues and argue with insurance companies. I’m glad Jake was there to give you snuggles, cats are amazing, they can totally sense when we need them. And your son is a mini me version of your husband! I wish you a lovely Thanksgiving and hope your son is feeling better soon.
Hey Kim! Isn’t it great how blogging becomes an outlet to hold on to a little shred of sanity? Haha! I’m so glad you started your blog, because your home improvement and decor projects are so amazing! Thank you for your encouragement. I think the Teen is feeling a little better today. And yes, he is absolutely his daddy made over!
Dear Mandy,
I think such an honest blog is actually priceless. Especially because many people only talk about the outside and are afraid to touch what’s inside. I’m sorry to hear about your mother! And you know what it’s like because you (and she, I assume?) have been operated on before. Disappointing. It’s great that your husband has such significance and provides good influence and support. You’re human, and your mother’s daughter, and disappointments are not meant to be pushed away. We have to go through them.
Ah, and your cat must have sensed that you needed something positive. How special, sitting on your lap for so long. I find the photo adorable. I hope you continue to cherish those golden moments. Write them down.
Warm “groeten” (greetings) from the Netherlands,
Aritha
Hi Aritha! I’m so glad you stopped in. Yes, I have always been one to try to hold in my feelings, but I know it’s not the healthiest way to go about life. I think we all need those moments to let the tears fall so we can regroup. And kitty cuddles do help! Haha!
I’m so sorry for what you are dealing with. Being an only child has to be hard when your parents have health issues. As for insurance issues – grrr! At work I spend so much time dealing with things that Dr ordered and insurance refuses. It’s frustrating as a nurse, I can’t imagine how overwhelming it is as a patient.
Love the pic of hubby and the teen. No denying they are father and son!
Jake is such a good looking cat. Kitty snuggles are the best!
Hey Mari! I’m sure you know exactly how frustrating it all can be with being a nurse. I just don’t know when things had to get so complicated. I appreciate your kind words. Blogging friends sure do brighten my day! I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
My friend, I am so sorry. Life is hard sometimes, and like you, I try to be as open about it as possible. Sharing can help so much. I know exactly what you mean about the medication and healthcare in our country. It is so frustrating and disheartening. You wrote it so well…Please know you are not alone. Rest and snuggle as long as you need. And Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you, Billie Jo! You are so sweet, and although I hate you go through struggles, I admire you for always being so open about it. It does help to write it all out sometimes. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving as well! I always love to see your family get-together recaps!
Life is hard, and it doesn’t have to be devastating to be upsetting. A good cry is just what the doctor ordered sometimes. It’s a good release. So keep counting your blessings and have a cry now and then. Both will help you move forward and do what you need to do. In the meantime, sending posiitive thoughts and hugs your way.
Thank you so much! You are so right…sometimes you just have to release it all to clear your head and get in a better frame of mind! You are also right about how counting your blessings is so important during these times. It can give you a new perspective, for sure! Thank you for the positive thoughts and virtual hug! Right back ‘atcha!!