I was looking forward to getting back into the blogging groove this week with some fun fall posts, but the truth is that last week was just tough, and I’m still not “there” yet. I hope as the week goes on, I will feel better.
Sad News
Saturday evening, I received word that a friend of mine had passed away. She was my “heart buddy”. She was someone I knew of in high school, but she was about four years younger than me, so our paths didn’t cross back then. We connected when I worked at my aunt and uncle’s bookstore a few years ago (she LOVED to read), and she reached out to me again when I had my heart surgery because she had been there a time or two herself by then. We bonded over that and have always checked in on each other ever since. She went in to have a risky surgery on Friday, and while the surgery went well, she had a tough time in recovery and eventually succumbed to those complications. I have been so heartbroken over this. I keep thinking by now, we should be exchanging texts, with me cheering on her recovery. We spoke on the phone about a month ago, and I will cherish that conversation. It’s just a deeper connection when someone truly understands what you have been through in life, and she did that for me. I’m so thankful for the encouragement she always gave me, but I will miss her so deeply. It’s just one of those things I won’t ever understand in this lifetime. Needless to say, my heart really hasn’t been into much so far this week.
Heart Checkup
Last Wednesday, I had my 6-month checkup with my cardiologist, which was another experience! I also had an echocardiogram and a carotid artery scan at this appointment. The echo went fine, but the carotid artery scan was quite stressful. All was going fine until the tech kept reviewing an area around my left shoulder blade. I could tell she saw “something,” and she finally asked me if I knew of any blocked arteries on that side. I told her about my subclavian stenosis, but it took the doctor himself to confirm that that was indeed what she was seeing. Before he came in, she had also tried to call in the radiology doctor and a couple of other people. Turns out, all is fine, but her calling other people in to see it really concerned me. Apparently, they don’t ever see this in patients, and she wanted to make absolutely sure that’s what was showing up.
At this appointment, I also met my NEW cardiologist, who was very thorough and nice. My previous cardiologist (who replaced my first) has decided not to do clinical anymore and focus solely on a cardiac procedure he has perfected and is renowned for. While talking to this cardiologist, I heard a new term to describe my condition. Heart failure. I had to make him repeat it because he mentioned it so casually that I was sure he was mistaken. But no, it turns out I’ve been in heart failure for a while now, but was never told. Just the words hit me like a ton of bricks. It obviously doesn’t change anything, and I don’t feel any different, but it sounds so ominous. He prescribed me two more medications to help with the symptoms, so I started those on Friday. So far, so good. I have to go in for bloodwork on Friday morning to make sure my potassium levels aren’t getting too high because of these new medicines.
I wanted to update my heart buddy with my news, but I knew she was about to head into her surgery, so I thought we would catch up on our experiences when she felt better and felt like talking. I won’t ever get to do that again. It’s such a deep hurt.
I hate to be such a downer with this blog post, but sometimes life isn’t always happy. It feels like my heart is broken, literally and figuratively. I know it will get easier with time, but for now, I just have to sit with my thoughts.
My friend, I am so very sorry. Hugs and prayers for your friend, and for you as your mourn her.
Thank you so much. I am just grateful for the friendship we had for as long as we did. She was a blessing!
So sorry to hear about your good friend’s passing and your own medical issues. Do take it easy and try not to push yourself to do things when you don’t feel quite up to it.
Thank you, Bless. I’m trying to work at my own pace nowadays, but it’s hard when my mind thinks I’m perfectly fine! haha!
Mandy, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I know that must be a terrible loss and a terrible shock. I lost my very dear friend last summer in a similar way and the loss has been profound. I hope you can find some peace in your grieving process, it really takes a toll on your overall health, and that you start to feel better with your new meds. Keeping you in my thoughts…
I am so sorry about your friend as well. It’s so hard, isn’t it? I know it’s just one of those things in life we all go through, but it sure does hurt. Sending hugs you way!
Oh my, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Not only the loss, but the shock of this happening. So thankful y’all could reconnect and be encouraging to one another. Sounds like it was a hard week and I know that can be emotionally and physically draining. Hoping you can get some rest this week. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words, Marilyn. Yes, it was a shock and a deep loss. But just knowing her was the biggest blessing. She mad quite an impression on everyone that knew her.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Bless you and remember all the great things.
HUGS
Thank you, Cheryl. I’ve been reading over some texts we’ve exchanged over the last few months. It’s just so hard to think I won’t ever talk to her again this side of heaven. But, I’m grateful for her friendship and the encouragement she gave to me. She was special!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Two tough challenges on your path, and it’s hard to find the right words to comfort you. I understand that you’re in a painful situation, and I wish I could do more to help you. Know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you to find inner peace to get through and process these difficult days.
Aritha
Thank you, Aritha. I appreciate your prayers. It really does mean a lot to me. She was such a huge blessing to me. I will always be grateful for our friendship.
I’m sorry. This is a lot and dealing with your own issues while dealing with the loss of your friend is a double whammy.
Praying for you!
Thank you, Mari. Yes, sometimes it feels like when it rains it pours. I appreciate your prayers!