For My Son

10 Annoyingly Cute Things You Do That Drive Me Crazy But I Love You Anyway:

1.  You steal my sunglasses in the car so you can look “cool”.  Nevermind that the 8:00 AM sun is blinding your mother’s eyes on the way to work.  Image is everything.

2.  When I don’t give you your way, you say, “You’re FIRED!!”.  At current count, you have fired me 42 times so far this summer and it’s only June.  Donald Trump would be so proud.

3.  When we drive into Sonic for our 8:00 PM ice-cream runs, you unbuckle yourself out of your booster seat once the car is parked while we wait on our order and sit up front with me so you can “be my date”.  I treasure our “dates”.  Someday you won’t think riding in the car with your mom is any kind of cool.  But to my credit, I do park on the “cool side” at Sonic.

4.  When we do order fast food, you tell me exactly what you want, down to the number of napkins, plastic cutlery, and “don’t forget the straw”.  Nobody can ever accuse you of not knowing exactly what you want in life.

5,  You tattle on our cats.  This is usually done at night and it’s at this point I know that you are tired (because, really…tattling on the cats?  You must be tired.  Or bored.).

6.  You have learned how to open our front door with the key and insist on opening it every time we come home.  It takes you a while to get the key in right and actually get the lock to turn, but that’s ok.  I’m just proud you are taking initiative and being helpful.  While I’m holding 50 pounds of groceries in my hands.  And it’s 102 degrees outside.  And mosquitoes are attacking.

7.  You insist that we listen to your favorite song (Sadness, Part 1 by Enigma) over and over in the car.  And over.  And over.  I’m pleased you have such interesting taste in music.  However, we have been stuck in a 1990’s time warp since probably last November….I’m just guessing.  At this point, I feel like Will Smith, Bel Biv Devoe, and P.M. Dawn are close personal friends and we should invite them over for a barbecue or something.

8.  You leave your dirty clothes right beside the clothes hamper.  Not in the hamper.  Beside the hamper.  I’m sure it’s only because those clothes just jump right out as soon as your back is turned.  It happens to your dad alot, too.  But I still love y’all.

9.  You monopolize every TV in the house.  Nevermind that you are in your room playing a video game.  If you can’t hear your cartoons on the TV in the living room or happen to walk into my room and I’m watching Army Wives, you want the TV on cartoons.  Every TV.  At the same time.  Just because.

10.  You ask me, down to hours, minutes, and seconds when things will happen.  How many days until you go back to school….how many days until Christmas, and how many days until you’re a grown man.  I usually rattle off a random number and you’re totally satisfied.  That last one?  I’m totally not dwelling on because I don’t want to even think how quiet  it will be around here when you are a grown man and on your own.